Carol Kroll

A struggle

I’ll be honest. Today is a struggle. I woke up from incredibly realistic nightmares this morning and it has left me a little hallow and incredibly sad/depressed inside. Well to be completely honest, I have been struggling with some darkness since I got back from my musical boat-ride, and this didn’t help, but I’ll get through it.

Its been a while since I have had a string of these night-scares, but then again its February. In Wisconsin. Much like this songwriter describes from the song panel I was able to watch a week or so ago, apparently its always February in Winnipeg (jesus, sorry) and as he states here, there is a little bit of February in all of us. Lucky me, I was BORN in February, so that statement rings quite true for me in other ways.

Since the people who read this blog

know dark times visit artists once in a while (including me), I thought it therapeutic to write about it. Many artists have addressed it. One good example is Anne Sexton and wrote the most raw poetry around. Perhaps not a good example in the end, but you get the idea. Its ok to talk about it; make it into something. Not only into songs, and in my artwork, but also here in my blog. Why? A few of my friends have come up to me after I have written about my issues in a song, or talked about it here, or painted about it, and said how much it helped them to know they weren’t the only ones that thought/feel that way. Which in turn made me feel both good and bad; bad that they too have this struggle with the darkness. So if this can inadvertently help someone passing by on this blog, then all the better. Plus it helps to get it out of your head and make room for more productive and positive ways of thinking.

My head knows that, but organizing “the committee” up there and putting it into action is “Another Kind Of Story” (yes, a song written by me with Sweet Jelly about ending it all).

In any event, this will be a day of making music and art today, because that is the only real thing that brings me solace in the end. Pouring the dark shit into music and paint and words gives it a much better place to exist.